“This is the long day. The Challenge will be given to you on the morning of the Rally. If you are late for the start of the Rally, you will forfeit the challenge.

“The choice of route is entirely up to you. Calais to Sarnen via the most direct route is 540 miles and is virtually all French motorway. You can take the longer route and go via Belgium, Luxembourg, France and Germany - that is entirely up to you.

“Just in case you are in any doubt, Friday is a REALLY long day.”

08:30 - Having ‘bass tested’ the three-hotel complex with a touch of the Chemical Brothers, we hit the hypermarket carpark to the sound of the A-Team theme, instantly establishing ourselves as the rowdy team of the rally, with the loudest stereo and the meatiest of Vibe subs. Parking diagonally across the space, we indulged in a spot of air guitar. We have landed.

Mio stickers applied and generous quantities of Trojan jonnies, Kerrang! and MSportUK.com stickers given away, Jenna reluctantly fires up and we promise to never run those powerful tunes without the engine running.

09:00 - Rally start - Steve does well and is told off by the rally organisers for gratuitous wheelspin off the start line. Continues at sensible pace averaging 130kph and the days challenge of Car-Photo-Snooker begins. Photo of red car. Photo of black car. Photo of red car. Photo of black car. Photo of red car...

14:03 - While making our way along the A4, Andrew has a bit of an accident. “I’ve got a bad cough” is his only defence as we scramble for photographs of his drenched crotch.